Frenemies & Schadenfreude

"Some people only hate you because of the way other people love you." - Karen Salmansohn

"False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us the instant we cross into the shade." - Christian Nestell Bovee

"People will often forgive you for being wrong, but they will never forgive you for being right—especially if your success highlights their failure." - Morgan Housel

"The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves." - William Penn

"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own." - Harold Coffin

Imagine living a successful life for your family; perhaps you've recently landed a fantastic opportunity, begun creating something worthwhile, or you just give off graceful trust. You assume your friends would be pleased for you, of course. However, something doesn't feel right. They want to be in your inner circle almost immediately, so one or two of them rush to get close.

Envy

It feels... urgent rather than earned or natural. They are the first to make a hurtful joke or give remarks that come across as backhanded compliments. Beneath the surface lies an ongoing of resentment, a silent opposition to your success that begins to expose itself in their behaviour and words. You begin to see that this is envy veiled as friendship rather than just awkwardness.

They hardly ever acknowledge your successes in any way, and when they do, they usually say something like, "You're lucky they even noticed you," or "Must be nice to have connections." Envy permeates these comments, which subtly try to minimize your accomplishments and cause you to doubt your value. It negatively impacts because it comes from someone you used to trust, not because it's true.

Resentment

When they feel abandoned, they vent their frustrations on you rather than facing their own fears, which feeds their resentment. People who smile in front of you but secretly envy what you have are your frenemies. They try to undermine your stability and confidence by using your friendship.

Jealousy

When something goes wrong in your life, that's the real test. An error, a failure, or simply a bad day. Pay close attention. That courteous nod or phony "that sucks" could be a cover for a silent gratification. This is schadenfreude, when someone feels a little joy in your pain. Their response is a brief reprieve from their jealousy and resentment, a sense that the balance has been restored. Even though it's subtle, you can sense it.

The smirk that doesn't quite fit the words. The speed at which they move on, their lack of interest in offering assistance, and their unexpectedly positive attitude at the time. This individual is not a true friend. They've been harbouring jealousy the entire time, and strangely, your suffering makes them feel better.

In actuality, people prefer to think of themselves as intelligent, good, and in control. However, it jeopardizes their self-image when your life reflects something they believe they lack, such as confidence, success, or a sense of purpose.

Hatred

Resentment begins to seep in at that point. They start to dislike you rather than be motivated by you. Their feelings of jealousy distort their perception of your contributions, and their own uneasiness prompts them to minimize, discount, or even subtly rejoice in your difficulties. And you'll realize that not everyone standing next to you is standing with you once you start to notice those subtle clues, the hurried friendship, the hurtful remarks, and the joy in your suffering. Some are simply expecting your fall.