Narcissism, The Darker Side

“Pathological narcissists can lose touch with reality in subtle ways that become extremely dangerous over time. When they can’t let go of their need to be admired or recognized, they have to bend or invent a reality in which they remain special despite all messages to the contrary.” - Bandy X. Lee

“Underneath the so-called narcissistic personality is definitely shame and the paralyzing fear of being ordinary.” - Brené Brown

“Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful… The malignant types never forget a slight. They may kill you ten years later for cutting them off in traffic. But they act perfectly normal while plotting their revenge.” - Janet M. Tavakoli

“The False Self… is intended to shield [the narcissist] from hurt and narcissistic injury by self-imputing omnipotence… The narcissist pretends that his False Self is real and demands that others affirm this confabulation.” - Sam Vaknin

You have to realize that, in moderation, narcissism can be a strength. The person who has it displays quiet confidence, which is a reflection of genuine accomplishment rather than a fake performance. Their ambition isn't destructive, but they take pride in what they do. It strengthens bonds, encourages allegiance, and increases their power without sowing discontent. Under such circumstances, self-esteem turns into a stabilizing rather than destructive force.

However, pathological narcissism, the darker side, is a completely different matter. The polished smile conceals a persistent fear of being seen. Their sense of self is a painted-wood exterior that is weak to even the slightest crack, rather than a stronghold of stone. They will give up everything, including loyalty, friendship, and even the truth itself, in order to preserve it. They subtly manipulate events so that their victims frequently think they have acted on their own initiative, discredit threats with a smear, and undermine rivals with a whisper. And when the inevitable injury to their pride occurs, they strike quickly and mercilessly without pausing to assess it.

When these people rise to positions of leadership, they become the most dangerous in the world of power. They inhabit a country like a mask, using its institutions and symbols as though they were embellishments for their own ego, rather than ruling it. A contemporary example is Donald Trump, who enters the global arena with an air of invincibility while secretly harbouring grievances over every slight, real or imagined. He views challenges as heresies against the divine order of his self-image, and criticism as betrayal. Because competence gives one the ability to disagree, he surrounds himself with the most devoted rather than the most capable. His image becomes the main character at diplomatic summits, and policies are created out of greed rather than need.